Critique of our LGBT Town Hall Tonight

Tonight I felt a particular sense of frustration at our LGBT Town Hall Meeting. I've decided to write a critique in response to what I feel were some of the shortcomings of the meeting. This is by no means meant to say that I could have done a better job, but I feel that there were some major issues with the formatting.

First and foremost, these meetings need to have a set place and time that is advertised well in advance, so that everyone has the possibility to attend. I would recommend choosing a date such as the 2^nd Wednesday of the first month in each quarter (i.e. January, April, July and October). If there is a consistent time and place, it will make it easier for everyone to attend, with the possibility that visitors may also come if they choose to do so.

Secondly, we need to start and end on time. This is frequently an issue I've found at meetings with LGBT groups, and it is frustrating because it demonstrates a lack of respect for people's lives. We all have other things we need to do as well, and no one wants to waste time at a meeting when we don't feel the meeting is being productive.

Thirdly, there needs to be an agenda. All issues that are seeking to be part of the agenda should be emailed to the person in charge no less than a week before the meeting. Each topic should be given a set amount of time, so that the meeting moves smoothly, and all topics get discussed, even if there are comments and/or questions that still need to be answered.

Fourth, each group that would like to be represented should have an information sheet about previous events and future events. It is nice to hear about things that are going on, but I actually read the news, and I'm not there for a recap of everything that has happened. If people fail to inform themselves, each group can have their relevant information handy.

Fifth, we need to discuss real issues. When we discuss everything going on with each group, it unnecessarily extends the meeting, and forces us to focus on topics that are best handled between the involved parties. I have enough drama in my life; I don't need to become embroiled in the war between the different groups in our community.

Sixth, I believe there should be comment cards or paper available to all attendees. Either that or a list of email addresses to contact all of the different groups. That way, if we object to a certain portion of the meeting or have comments pertaining to a certain group, instead of bringing it up in the meeting, we can address the relevant parties directly.

I believe that these meetings are meant to bring us together, and allow us to focus all of our energy on accomplishing goals within the community. Lest we forget, the infighting we have doesn't help stop atrocities like the recent suicides in Georgia and Massachusetts.

These meetings should be discussion about what needs to happen in the community, and involve coordinating efforts to bring change. We all spare the time to show up, but then nothing happens when we do.

Please, let us work together to help make a better future!

Nate Bassett

Another Life Needlessly Taken

I haven't written for a while, but there is no way that I could hear about this incident and not write something.

Michael Goucher, a 21 year-old Army veteran from Pennsylvania, was reported missing February 3^rd, and his body was found a week later. He had been stabbed 20 times by a young man named Shawn Freemore that he had met on the internet. The pair had met on one prior occasion for a tryst, and were meeting in the woods on February 3^rd for another sexual encounter.

It is not confirmed what the motivation for the killing was, and one of the comments I read online lead me to think that it may have been the result of Mr. Freemore abusing illegal drugs. However, it is also possible that the reason for his death may have been due to internal homophobia on the part of Mr. Freemore.

Deaths like Michael Goucher's do not need to happen. His aunt and uncle responded to his murder by saying that if he had listened to them and not attempted to solicit sex over the internet that he would still be alive. The frequency of these types of trysts in the LGBT community seems to be high, but this isn't necessarily only the fault of those in this community. Murders like these are also due to the fact that society is intolerant and not accepting of LGBT people, whereby they are marginalized and forced to meet people through unconventional means.

The reason why I find this so tragic and why I'm writing about it is because he had a lot of support in his community. He went to church and played the organ as well as sung in the choir. He was an outstanding citizen and an asset to this country. Also, Lawrence King was killed about this time last year.

Violence against the LGBT community needs to stop. No one has the right to take away another person's life and opportunities. Please, please, please, help end these outrageous incidents.

Here are the links to the articles:

http://www.poconorecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090212/NEWS/90212002

http://www.towleroad.com/2009/02/internet-tryst.html

And one of the other reasons why I'm writing about him; the song he had on his MySpace page:

http://www.myspace.com/mikeyestbg

In Quiet Desperation

As I sit here in my room, I feel more trapped in my life than I ever have before. The hot chocolate and candlelight help, but they have little influence compared to the herd of elephants I have encountered in the rooms I enter lately. John Mayer is helping too, but I still can't set aside the feelings of isolation I feel whenever I talk to a family member. The reason why I am posting this online is to remind myself that I still have a long ways to go. It's also because if you're reading this, I'm hoping you can help me out. My life has become an utter mess lately. I haven't been attending classes, and I'm not working right now, so I have no excuse whatsoever.

I do feel like I should give myself a little bit of credit. I've managed to live with my family, despite our differences, for the last 5 months. However, I need to leave. For my sake, and for their sake, we need to stop being around each other. I'm sure the pain they feel is no less acute than my own, and no less valid, either.

With the past few weeks, my will for acceptance has only become stronger. I have argued with numerous people over gay rights and marriage equality, and I think I've offended every one of them. That wasn't necessarily my intent, but in the heat of the moment, I often barreled ahead anyway. I decided over the next few weeks I would like to start a letter writing campaign. I would like to write my letter of resignation to the LDS Church first. After that, I plan on writing to a number of my family members. As soon as I can figure out a way to get out of this house, I think I am going to resign from my family. I don't think it will be permanent, but if that's the only way to find peace, so be it.

It seems that at this point in my life, I have accomplished nothing. I know my life has been worth something, but anytime I establish anything of permanence, it seems to go away.

I had a discussion with my friend Ashley, and I brought up marriage equality with her because I had just gotten into an argument with my Dad about it and I wanted to know how she felt about it. She made a remark that she was treading lightly around the issue, and I told her not to. I wanted to know exactly how she felt because I need to have friends that are completely supportive of me right now. She was angry that I am willing to throw away 10 years of friendship over something like this since we have been through so much. In my defense, I'm willing to give up my family because of this. Maybe not willing to give them up, but ready to. I don't think she understands that.

I have a lot of things to sort out and understand. The road is rough now, but I also know that in the short term, it's only going to get worse. So, if you're still reading this, and you're still wanting to be my friend, I could really use some love and support right now.

Peace!

Nate

Why do you care?

For those who wish to prevent Same-Sex Marriage (SSM),

I sit here on my bed trying to determine how best to approach you. The fact of the matter is, I can't come up with any kind of argument against the ones you bring that you could find valid. You seem to focus on the Bible or the harmful effects of not having one parent of each sex. I am focused simply on finding a way for me to be with the person I love (once I find them), and to have a way to know that we are secure in our relationship, that no one will be able to tell me that I had no right to his life after he dies.

I wish not for the acceptance of churches, or the opportunity to go to Heaven. As an atheist, I have no care for the other-worldly worries you entertain. I simply know that I do not fit within the parameters of what you find acceptable, and as such, have been relegated to the back of the bus. Most of you, I have never met.

I am trying to understand why you have some overriding interest in my life. I know no religion, and yet you seek to legislate your morals so that they are mine as well. You claim that I am a bad parent and will ruin children's lives if I am allowed to raise one. I thought that you were an advocate for parental rights and allowing people to choose how they live their lives and how they raise their children. You say that my relationship is meaningless and has no benefit to society. I wonder why it is that you don't consider that the person I love is the one that makes my life bearable and helps make me a better contributor to society.

While you celebrate because you have again triumphed by using your privilege to override my liberties, I will fight on. The younger generations have greater compassion and recognize that I didn't choose to be gay. They understand that there is life beyond the walls of their own religion.

No matter what it takes, I will fight for the right to be recognized as a human being that deserves the affection of another person, and that it doesn't matter what gender that person is. There is nothing for me to do but to speak and write about how I feel given the cage you put me in. I don't understand why you seem to want into my life, but I will fight to live my life free of the bonds of religion and oppression.

Nate

Unconditional Love and Support

Last night I attended a candlelight vigil that was the product of some hardworking LDS Mothers that have gay children. The Mothers are members of Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays (PFLAG) and had put the vigil together in response to the LDS Church's overwhelming outpouring of money and volunteers in support of Proposition 8, an initiative amendment that will be on the ballot tomorrow in California. I was in awe of how much these wonderful people remind me of my own Mother's family, other than I have no idea how my Mother's family has taken the news that I am gay. I came out to my parents 5 years ago, and at some point both of my parents have disclosed my sexuality to their brothers and sisters.

The organizers spoke of how they had attended a luncheon a few weeks ago and spent four hours discussing the church's position and the implications it has had on their family; how the divisiveness of this campaign has seeped into their relationship with their church; and how they are astounded that a church that sought protection itself from persecution with events like Haun's Mill and the Missouri Extermination Order signed by Governor Lilburn W. Boggs in their past. Their attempts to sway the vote are reminiscent of the early days of the church in Illinois when Joseph Smith ran for president and the people of Illinois ran them out, in fear of the voting bloc and power they could become. At that point in history, Nauvoo, Illinois was larger than Chicago, and now is just a small sleepy town that sits on the Mississippi River.

After the speeches that helped to lift the spirits of those there, we proceeded to march around the block following the lead of those pioneering Mothers in their journey to protect their children. I spoke to a couple that was in the procession, and told them what my Mother had said as I was leaving. I had mentioned where I was going to her, and her response was, "That's a shame." My disappointment for the reaction of my slightly progressive Mother was hard to suppress and I found myself yearning to have parents like the ones I was marching next to. Their names were Marilyn and Bill (I think), and they have a son that is partnered. They hope for his sake that someday he will be able to get married and enjoy the same legal benefits that they do. After receiving the warm kindness of those who hosted the event, I only felt it proper to help take down the canopy and help load the vehicle that brought all of the materials used. I then spent the rest of the night palling around with some friends and watching "The L Word."

The point of writing this blog though is to express my concern with the LDS Church's viewpoint on the issue. I'm not worried nor depressed by their negative stance toward homosexuality in a gospel sense. I am more discouraged by their lack of appreciation for diversity in the greater environment. As a former Mormon with a highly religious family, I have found that even though I afford them respect regarding their religion, I am not afforded that same respect with my sexual orientation. Discussions about my beliefs and views are rare, as I have tried not to bring up issues that they feel are inappropriate for children. However, this simply causes me stress without achieving any progress in my family's perspective toward gay people. In my view, the Church was the ultimate advocate for unconditional love and understanding in regards to families, but I find that this often isn't the case. Church families sometimes disown and alienate members that are gay or lesbian in their effort to preserve the family's moral sense. Some put the Church ahead of their family, in order to stay on the "straight and narrow path" and avoid influences that might negatively affect their spirituality. I am a product of a family that seeks to remain close, but fails to recognize that I am different and that I might need extra motivation to keep including myself in family activities.

I really wish that they could divorce their view of religion from their familial perspective, although I understand that is akin to removing the roots from a tree. I just wonder why it is that their "eternal" perspective is so much more important than making a difference in this lifetime and accepting the people around you that you could have the greatest influence on.

There is no doubt that this campaign in California has been divisive and will have a dramatic effect on the Church population in California. I think the impact on my own relationships with my family and the people I know have been impacted as well. I am just waiting for Wednesday morning when this particular chapter will be closed. For those who may be struggling with this issue, there are many websites including Mormons For Marriage, Signing For Something, Gays and the Gospel, and The LDS Family Fellowship.

Peace!

Nate

Talking to the Wrong Person

Yesterday, one of my fellow university students incurred my wrath when I learned that they had donated $200 to the Yes on Prop 8 campaign. We had just walked out of the keynote address for University Pride week, and this person frequents the LGBT Resource Center where I volunteer. After they informed me of their donation, I asked them why they did that. They responded that it had been a busy week, and that many things were going on in their life, but one of their family friends had approached them about it and stated that it was needed because gay marriage is morally and ethically wrong. I asked them if they self-identified as homosexual, and they responded that they weren't sure at the moment. I then asked if they had gay or lesbian friends. They turned and looked at me, and said something to the effect of they considered me a friend. I then asked if they felt that they should have the right to be in a relationship with a person they cared about. They responded this would only be appropriate if the person were of the opposite sex.

 

I was enraged, livid and shocked. How could someone that so frequently interacts with the LGBT community do something so callous? I quickly went up to the LGBT Resource Center and began discussing the incident with the people that were there. I erred in that I probably should not have given the person's name, but I felt that since that person frequently visits the Center and that their donation made me feel uncomfortable with their presence in an area I thought was supposed to be a safe place for LGBT persons and their allies, I felt compelled to speak out and ask how I try to welcome that person back into the Center. I told at least 10 people, and although I should feel remorse for doing something like that, I felt justified by the fact that I no longer felt welcome in that space myself when that person was present.

 

Later in the day, this person approached me and told me how hurt they felt because they didn't feel welcome in the Center after that. Imagine that! They said that they had been ignorant of the issue, and didn't understand what kind of group their money was going toward. They said that school and work were really stressful, and their mind hadn't been in the right place at the time. They tried to make me feel guilty about my telling other people what they had done, when they offered no remorse for their actions, only a plethora of excuses. I know it's caustic of me, but if you don't understand an issue, learn about it. Don't donate based on the opinion of a single person. Gather your wits and intelligence and learn about the things that you are contributing to. Ignorance is no excuse for actions. It only exemplifies that maybe your grasp on life is a little loose.

 

I am going to the "Gay"-la dinner tonight to end the Pride Week celebration and am wondering about the response I am going to get. I feel a little alienated by some of the people that frequent the Center because of my strong reaction to this person's actions. Some people feel that I should have moderated my actions, and although I do feel that maybe I went a little overboard, I have had a number of other things going on with regards to this Proposition that have biased my outlook. I have problems sleeping at night because I am so worked up over what will happen in the 3 states with amendments against gay marriage this year. Regardless of outcome, I will be happy when this election is over!

 

Peace!

 

Nate

To Those Opposed To “Gay Marriage”

So, this message goes out to all of those people who are avid proponents of Prop 8, and those that aren't sure where they stand. I want to focus on California and not Arizona or Florida right now because the burden of proof in California lies with those trying to take away an existing right.

First, this is a free country. You have no more of an ability to explain to me why you believe in God, than I do to explain to you why I'm gay. I can't prove to you that I can't change, but you can't prove to me that God exists. I let you worship freely, and you should let me live my life freely, period.

Secondly, there is no scientific proof that homosexual relationships destroy the family. "Traditional" families are a byproduct of the 1950's; when this country was first founded, women were basically owned by their husbands. Anyone want to go back to that? And as far as children go, there are only a small number of studies about the children of gay parents, but they show that those children are usually more well-adjusted than the children of straight parents; imagine that… The only reason why you should feel badly for children of gay parents is because of the way they are treated by kids whose parents teach them to hate gay people.

You can whine all you want about gay people changing America, but it is you who are behind the times. If you would like to hide in a cave because you feel the world is turning into idolatry and wickedness, go ahead. We don't need people to tear us down more than we already have ourselves. As a gay person living in a straight society, it took me years to accept myself; I am not willing to give that up because of some religious ideals that you hold dear, and I deem irrelevant to my life. We both have the right to our respective opinions, and normally I wouldn't harp on you all, but the fact remains that you are trying to take away my rights.

This is a difficult issue for some people, but what I don't understand is why some people want to interfere in the lives of gay people. We already exist, we already have children, please just let us live the way we choose. Do you hear a big ruckus about this in Massachusetts, The Netherlands, or Spain anymore? Spain is highly Catholic, and when it first passed, everyone was outraged. Then the rage died down and people realized it doesn't affect them. The people who are affected are the ones in the stories below.

http://www.hrc.org/issues/10452.htm     

http://www.hrc.org/issues/3786.htm     

http://www.hrc.org/issues/3785.htm

 

Please remember, I am not asking you to endorse homosexuality, or to allow it into your church. We are asking for simple legal recognition, not access to temples, synagogues, churches, or mosques.

Please vote No on Prop 8 in California, Prop 102 in Arizona, and Prop 2 in Florida!

Thanks!

Nate